Women are a situation, not just as a gender.

Do you consider yourself a "feminist"?

In recent years, with the fermentation of various social news and public events, we gradually realize that "women are a situation, not just as a gender", and feminism has come to us in a very specific way.

Teacher Li Yinhe put forward in the book Feminism that feminism has several basic premises:

• Do you pursue equality between men and women?
• Do you agree that women are still a discriminated "second sex" behind men in the world?
• Do you agree that the gender order of inequality between men and women is not naturally formed, but is constructed by some social culture?

But what exactly is feminism? What’s the use of being a feminist? Is the opposite of feminism necessarily misogyny and male chauvinism?

So in this issue of the "Round Table" of KY editorial department, the editors talked about feminism in her/their eyes and what it means for her/them to be a feminist.

Alyosha

I have the right to be sexy, not to please you.

When I was in primary school, girls who developed earlier would start to wear a small bra with straps. This kind of bra often has no chest pad, but two neckbands.

Some boys will pull these tapes unscrupulously and say, "Aren’t you just wearing them for us?" This kind of voice started from my precocious childhood and went all the way to college.

Wearing lipstick is to cut off men, and wearing hot pants is to get men’s attention, not to mention doing hair, manicure and wearing sexy pajamas or swimsuits.

All "good-looking" and "sexy" are signals of "longing for men’s attention". If you are finally sexually harassed for this, it is because "you are not dressed too coquettish yourself".Even research shows that "looking easy to control" is the real criminal motive of sexual harassment offenders (Beiner, 2007), not "looking sexy and beautiful".

From my point of view, one of the meanings of feminism is "de-symbolizing gender". After all,I was born naked, and you are the one with the wrong idea.

cr. (G)I-dle

Caoyajun

I can’t be defined by the label "female".

I’m just myself

In recent years, I can understand Beauvoir’s famous words in The Second Sex more and more:A person is not born as a woman, but becomes a woman.

From small to large, I was indeed shaped into what I am by social culture in a subtle way. According to my grandmother, before I was born, the doctor dared to say that I was a girl after finding out my gender. My mother said at that time, "The girl is very good, and she is my mother’s intimate little cotton-padded jacket."

So, I really grew up according to the standard of "a clever and intimate little cotton-padded jacket" and was taught to pay attention to grooming, proper behavior and family, which is what a "woman" should look like.

However, now I hear more voices saying that "independent women" should not be clever, that paying attention to appearance is "sexual objectification", that longing for love is "love brain", and that returning to the family is the domestication of women by patriarchy.

These sounds look different from the standards I heard when I was a child, butWhether defining what a "woman" should look like or what an "independent woman" should look like, it is the bondage of tagged thinking to people.

This labeling thinking will artificially widen the gap between the inside and outside of the label, make women and men, independent women and dependent women oppose each other and attack each other, and at the same time drown out the personality in the label, making people ignore that everyone is a unique individual.

True feminism should guide the society to go beyond labeling thinking and let women have the freedom not to be bound by external standards.Instead, they can follow their own hearts and choose what to use to define their own life value and truly become themselves.

Flower flower

Be sure to live as an independent "subject"

When I was 11 years old, my mother, who was full of "frustration" because of family changes, was always busy with business day and night. Her image and quality of hard work gradually internalized into my character, so I wanted to rely on my own efforts to achieve success since childhood.

When I was a child, she often said to me:"You should act like a man and be as strong as a man."This seems to have given me a lot of courage and drive, and it seems to have helped me through the small hurdles in my life.

When I went to study in a big city at the age of 18, I couldn’t adapt to life without my mother. When I was young, I still had many troubles that I didn’t understand, leaving a vague memory that I often disliked my weakness and often felt that I was not as "strong as a man" as my mother said.

I gradually matured in stumbling, accepted the "baptism" of psychology for four years and the "nutrition" of books, and gradually saw myself.Independent qualityI became deeply fond of myself and gradually found my truest self. At the same time, I understand that men are not the only ones who are strong, and women are not the only ones who are weak.

In the book How to Restrain Women’s Writing, there is such a passage: "Some critics have invented a more subtle statement: the man in her body is writing. This seems to return the ownership of the work to the female author, but in fact it emphasizes that there must be a certain’ he’ writing. "

I don’t know much about feminism, but this passage has always warned me.We must live as an independent "subject".

Nico (female)

Feminism is a sober pain.

In the discussion about feminism on the Internet, many girls who have realized and started to practice the feminist lifestyle will call this process of consciousness change "awakening": they finally realize that they have been treated unfairly in the social framework with men as the first sex, and have completed a breakthrough in thinking.

The most direct change that awakening can bring is that people can see through the lies of the male-dominated discourse system, broaden a woman’s world in an instant, and make her realize that she is worthy of being respected, loved, encouraged and qualified to fight, fight and demand. Such thoughts can undoubtedly bring a strong sense of strength and belief.

However, after completing such a leap, it is not the happiness that comes with great enlightenment, but the inevitable and intense pain and contradiction, which even makes people ask themselves again and again."In fact, I am also one of the accomplices of this misogyny society, aren’t I?"

A few days ago, I saw a report that a female doctor of feminist anthropology clearly described her predicament. She talked about how she got into marriage, how she decided to have children, how to develop her career at the same time, how to work with her husband after giving birth, and finally had to trouble her mother and mother-in-law to help take care of the children under the weight of life-"Our freedom is based on the freedom of exploiting our mother-in-law."These are her exact words.

But I still think the pain is worth it.

In the collection of letters from Ueno Chizuko and Suzuki liang zi (a well-known Japanese journalist who once worked in the sex service industry and is now committed to speaking out for the plight of women), the viewpoint of another well-known Japanese feminist athlete, Tanaka Nakatsu, was mentioned.Only when a woman loses her mind can she be heard from the bottom of her heart.The awakening of feminism is actually an attack on the past self, which will sting our longing for equality and freedom again and again until we become those disgraceful feminists and burst into a roar to wake up the next sister who has not yet awakened.

A.r. xiaodiandian

As a woman,

We don’t need to express freedom by resisting marriage.

Personally, I have no enthusiasm for love and marriage. I thought I could go on like this. One day, my friend suddenly said to me, "But Eriksson said that we will be lonely in the future, and we will want to have children in the future. This sums up the laws and commonalities that so many people have found in the future. So you can’t say that you will change in the future. "

In fact, at the moment when I realized that I might need to establish contact with someone to satisfy my loneliness in intimate relationship, I was afraid, and I thought of my freedom and some "should" as a woman.

In Little Women, Joe turned down Laurie and sobbed to his mother:

Then for two seconds, she continued.

Joe is too lonely. In an era when she has to give up her marriage to be free, she is too lonely to force herself to refuse Laurie. In an era advertised as "marriage is the only way for women", she is too lonely with the belief of women’s independence.

She proudly wanted to prove that "women can live free", but she later found that there was a real "loneliness" in her heart, and she regretted it.

In contrast, her sister Meg chose marriage without hesitation. She said: My dream is different from yours, but it is very important to me.

I have come to realize that there is nothing to be afraid of in having intimate relationship or even marriage. We don’t need to lock ourselves in with "women’s due".May every woman express her independence and freedom without resisting or giving up marriage.

Koei

The "feminism" that has been overcorrected in me.

The memory of my first contact with feminism is very vague, but the most profound thing is that when this consciousness gradually began to grow in me without any rules.

I think I have found a label to flaunt myself and become extreme and radical in feminism. Compared with asking men and society around me to respect women equally, I took the lead in pointing the arrow of this doctrine at myself.

I emphasize the importance of independence very much.Think that women can’t completely rely on and depend on others.Nor can we be deceived by various "traps" and "lies" in various patriarchal social contexts. So I try to stay calm in all kinds of relationships,Practicing "independence" which is not substantially different from "self-isolation".

This overcorrected thinking has caught me in the game of dependence and independence, and at the same time neglected the essence of human beings-we always need to establish spiritual connection with others.

So when I inevitably felt the spiritual connection, I began to really think about what feminism is and what real independence is.

Although I gradually deviated from the track in this whole process of thinking about feminism, it is not too late to look back in time, but it is always moving forward. Therefore, I still hope that our social civilization can be de-gendered, so that everyone can enjoy their rights equally, even if it is still a long way off.

Qijing

Feminism, besides women themselves,

Are there any other friendly forces?

"It is not enough for feminism to be supported only by women’s groups, but only by gathering the strength of other groups can we truly realize the ideal of human rights equality."

—— Qiu Zhenwan

Trying to provide some non-female perspectives.

A few years ago, I took a counseling theory class and talked about feminist therapy. Out of curiosity, I asked the teacher if any men would title themselves as feminist consultants, and the answer was "I haven’t seen them for the time being, but I can." This is consistent with my own observation, and it also reads a layer of teachers’ expectations for "men, but feminists".

From this, it is found that it is difficult for men to flaunt themselves as feminists in public. The reasons are not only limited understanding and empathy for the plight of women or other vulnerable groups, but also the sensitivity and oppression brought by male identity itself and the environment. To give an inappropriate example, it is a bit like the relationship between heterosexual married feminists and other feminists.Standing on the cross position, we need to face the "gaze" of different groups. Such practice requires a lot of love and courage to face and deal with "inconsistency".

I grew up in an environment of relative respect for women, and the feminism I observed and understood is constantly changing, for example, from "let’s move these stacks of books by two boys" to "gentlemanly manners are packaged" and then to "what are the inherent privileges of being a man". The voices of feminists have brought me different experiences, such as being accused, understood, scared, angry, afraid, ashamed, and of course more sad and helpless … So even if we support and agree with equal rights, there are still many problems, but our goal is the same, to build a space where everyone can be seen and respected. Comas-Diaz mentioned several policies to empower women, and I think it can be done.It needs everyone’s common awareness and resource strength.

(1) let the parties understand the bad results of gender discrimination and racial discrimination;

(2) Dealing with the feelings of anger and self-deprecation caused by the weak position;

(3) regard self as the main body to solve problems;

(4) Understand the crisscross relationship between the external world and the internal reality;

(5) See opportunities as the possibility of improving the external society.

Opposition and conflict will not achieve a weak-friendly society, but communication, understanding and cooperation between different or overlapping positions may be a little closer to this goal.

Today’s interaction: What do you think of feminism?

Reference：

Beiner, T. M. (2007). Sexy dressing revisited: Does target dress play in a part in sexual harassment cases. Duke J. Gender L. & Pol’y, 14, 125.